bought greyhound tickets to austin
but hosteling now here
in flagstaff
a good place to be
found a band
railroad earth to sooth us
and zagah a girl with a furious knack for trying
met henry, mexican man with a need to bum another smoke
and please tell him hello when you see him - that's his last request
as he coughs up a heart
the town moves easily
beneath feet
as we seek to sell the car
sent all belongings home - over 60 bucks - so i'm broke
but oh well - can't be secure every day
smiling though
i'm eating a bagel the way i like it and ready to lay down for a nap

sad.
to be expected.
transmission hates me
and i´m not sure i blame it
too bad i´m here and not at home
i could at least have a bed.
or some form of sanity i´m not finding today in the swell of heat
old feelings turn to new melancholy
and billy knows best because the tremor of the inevitable
infinite sadness
compounds me
astounds me
and turns me loose on the wolves of my own

drifting

into bakersfield
found a puppy
took her
named her
PEARL
scruffy joplin mama doggy
small and cuddle
in lap and on the floor
into LA
and cant see it
nothing but air
and fog
and heat
heat
rising in the street
like love or something more
asphalt~esq
right?
as though i had a choice
smuggle dog in
bar at night
puppet show strange but mooodooo do you do?
i did.
and laughed
then laughed again
left though
no re-entry and a puppy passing time in the car
keeping the betsytoo busy
with cherry limp in the back waiting for water
that i just dont keep up on
because my mind is busy with writing, i wrote.
yes.
i did.
late night
insomnia
no paper easy
so in the margins of a novel i was supposed to read for self need
and didnt
for fear of boredom in but another literary classic
moved out of LA
north into the playground of lucifer
watching the sun ripple up off the motor
and my eyes burning
yearning for green

wake up san francisco it's lou fuckin reed
says the woman
with the pipe
and the cane
swinging around her touseled head
as lou
fucking
reed
plays
sweet jane
and i celebrate
in my mind
the weary warhol hatred
that fades in his appreciation

san francisco cold
and the ocean fog layers my toes
like love
or something salty
similiar

miss home
the abilities i know
of being there
and in love
and inspired in the quiet
the road here is endless
and that breeds some fear
that is listless
with the need to overcome
and build my mansion of self
over it
a community of empowerment

bought a kerouac book
at city lights bookstore
fell in love there
that was amazing
to be
where they
be
was being
had be - en
his little book
inspired me to bring myself here
and write something more
about this LEG of this TRIP

on southward
the city of angels
and the angels of pity
all sighing for the show

pip and crew meeting at a rest stop near cold grants pass
tea and chess
puppy that i fell for
and some tall tall taller trees
this morning
trek down the coast
and into redwood . . .
and waiting to hug them harder
the fat beautiful turns of the bends

up up up elevation-you-can't-make-it . . . . reach the top and sputter out - cough cough cough - car on the side of the road - cowboy crash course "whatcha needta do is" - and a tow truck carrying me far far away into the land of a waitress that takes 45 minutes to take the order, and a thunder storm goosebumping my arms - hank & squeater keep the weary wanderers company, fat dog, and the skinny rowdy one. . . . get fixed up - and let me add "Screw You Idaho!" (giving me f-d up gas). . . . and ((((((sam's garage - i love you))))))) ~four hours later, on the road again - just can't wait to get on the - - - - - BEND . . . . hello three sisters tall powering, still and covered in snow and threatening my transmission with tempting, taunting laughter - "come, climb me" . . . . clean city here, in bend - in love with it. . . . coming back.

haven't written anything yet. feeling shitty about that - my eye feels alive - but my spirit and heart - murmuring - trying to recreate things i have no words for - sometimes i wish i never even mentioned anything at all - "writer" - blah to me and the chances i dont take - to make myself bigger then i am . . . more then i feel - and i just smile and nod and aren't you glad you know me?

oh well.

redwood forests - here i come. cradle me please. i'm thorough in the enjoying of this time, but i miss my bed, i worry about grandma, i want to dance more . . . . i want to write more.

be well.

wyoming. took so long to find a computer. but loved the drive. wide fields. so much is flat. and reminded me of things i dreamt of when i was a child. the badlands were amazing. . . huge, and colorful . . .. hot - but worthy. black hills and mt. rushmore were striking - so intense - stone. on long back road drive to wyoming last night the lightning surrounded us - every field, every cloud pierced with long white bursts of perfection - god, it was incredible . . . .

wildlife i haven't seen before - deergoatcows - - which i found out today were antelope of a breed i cant remember . . .

and the squirrel creatures that look like ferrets and rats - but aren't . . . . Just in love -
in love with the movement - and in love with not being situated anywhere too long.

rest stop rendevous to sleep each night - it's interesting - a "lot scene" of a very unique kind. . . .

moving on to boise, then bend oregon, then san francisco . . . ..

haven't written anything yet - but feeling closer
read a few books though - one i can't stop until i finish -

peace

sun is shining in nashville - arrived on the sunday morning - the 8th at 530 a/m - eek - CHECK ENGINE light loves me - and the car drives still - so i'm not too worried - who can be? that's my fate - my way of being . . . . always a chaotic sky - last night though found a dive . . . a wading in the midst of nashville - old station in - a bluegrass jam - locals flocking on mandolin, and banjo, and guitar, stand up bass, and harmonica- singing sad sweet mountain songs .. . . cried once - this beautiful tall red-shirted man, his instrument - his voice, reminded me of Pa . . . and I just wanted to rewind and be existing there with him - and letting him know that we have now a connection ~ music i didnt love when he was alive - but do now . . . . sad that our "in common"wasn't around when he was with me in the flesh - but the spirit takes hold and I still savor. Bill Monroe says hello.
tomorrow morning car is looked at in hopes it's fixed and traveling resumes. memphis sings, "come along down, come along down" . . . .

my room is still full. boxes scattered, and brimming to the top with books - more books then i thought i had - and books still on the shelves - obsessive - and a bit compulsive - to own so many copies - who really needs 13 copies of the great gatsby? . . . . or a dozen bell jars? . . . . i laugh at the future when someone enters my space - and one entire corner is just full of the same copy - and i wont know what to say - but shrug and grin - because it is who i am - that pile - is me. inside. a pile of thought and reflection - and growth - god i cant forget growth . . . .

two more nights to get it all together - and fixed - dont know if i can do it - but going to attempt.

tonight is the partying with the friends of albatoga . . . . . dancing to the deadbeats, drinking, loving, i'm going to miss them all ~ i'm excited to party with them one last time before i go . . .

it's raining out but i'm feeling all right

everything's been packed. the car. my clothes in a bin, food bought and packed. . . a bed made of blanket and sheet - it's home - the explorer home. i'm really happy - for my spirit and my eyes - to embark upon this - to move me in ways i've yet to be moved. i am scared though - have to pack up rest of my house - because upon my return - there will be no place for me to just go to and call "home" - must find a'new - which is exciting and such - but new and worrying.

found a slight schedule for summer - slight - because things change - so i'd rather not jinx the slight i do have and just go as is -
bringing only one kerouac -which surprised me but i hope to find new things to spark me - and not depend on jack for all the searching - i've used him enough.

off now to finish the tasks of detailing . . ..