luna sleeps
when i'm here, in the room beside
her.
she whimpers, whines, howls, hides
when i walk away
too
fast.
she's so insecure
my nerves are sprayed
and frayed
and i love her
i watch her quick breathing
dreaming
of wolves
rolling hills
of loba lucid huntress
scavengers of a grassy vastness
i can't help but
be infatuated
but so tired
i haven't slept in days

strewn. about and not. my apartment is closing up on me, and the lease says to leave, and i'm homeless. great, now what? money-less, dog-full, and the options are . . . slimmer then they are fat . . . and i'm not grateful. i'm wondering why i'm not healthy, like i think i should be but then i acknowledge that the stress of having a home, and maintaining bills keep me from sanity. i'm running in circles to maintain normality, yet, it's all there is to do . . . how can others do it and act so "oh this? this is so easy, just . . . ." . . . i'm just wallowing in the water of ... girl, you better get your shit together and focus. fuck focus. i'm experiencing 10/20 vision and i'm not even looking at anything, my dreams are blurrier then the reality. the world doesn't give me what i need and my own actions dont give me what i need

what else to say . . . what am i doing here

it's beautiful outside.
i had a wonderful spaghetti dinner that satiated my frazzled nerves & i know the bed is only feet away

peace, love, misunderstanding

jack