alone. head aches from non which i know . . . reason.
cup of coffee, creamer doesn't break
pearl jam halo on the room. a dark outside. squirrels stalk the window, teasing my eyes with movement.
seek my part . . . devote myself, my small self, like a book among the many on a shelf
work today. all day. i dont want to. but do i ever?
the weird awkward interaction and miscommunication of employee, and the anger, impatient audience of customer.
got dressed but no thing to do for hours.
the hurry up and wake up and make up
then wait it out.
weight. it. out.
get fred tomorrow. excited and hopeful. to have something to love, to love in return. to save mutual - a blessing.
excited.
spent thanksgiving sifting through options of where to go and who to spend my lonely with
decided on sister, father and jaquasa - it was nice, until dad got drunk and we all felt we had to leave.
i will only be as good as you'll let me . . . . are you woman enough to be my man - that is one of the best lines ever. oh eddie, i dont want you but you make me want someone this fiercely - the chaos calm. i dig it.

listening . . . triplets of belleville . . . under the bridge. the shower running, unattended. coffee perking, uninviting. my eyes tired and uninspiring. what do i have to offer any one, this any morning. was thinking of writing something django inspired due to the new book i've found on the gypsies, but can't even concentrate with all this school excess and the personal reading i'm obsessed with.
few days and we give thanks. all hail you bitter pilgrims. headed south to the land of lake and dock and constellations that took notice when i've felt anything . . .
exciting to relax and avoid responsibility.
want to finish my few papers in the next two days to get my head clear and easy. . . easy.

saw jesus' son last night. a little slow moving but one piece i dug the nurse after the abortion comes in to get him and says, "she's finally comfortable" and he looks, "she's dead?" . . .
i loved the story and the images and metaphors of what it was supposed to mean.... however some was lost on my inability to give a fuck about the slow process of telling the story.
but billy was pretty damn hot.
that says something i know it does.
maybe i'm just another groupie
oh well,
group me
if i can stare at his face.

election day.
voted.
feeling disenchanted as i watch that electronic map light up in red republic dress.
i dont know what to say anymore. sad, mad, loss of thought and heart