http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9FZeNOouMM

your fathers truck
pulls into my drive
i kiss my mother
tell her i'll come back when im broken

you've been crying
or at least
want me to think you have been
i hear her voice in the speakers
you drink from a can of beer

you drive me away from home
you say you love her
and i say i love that

the night your father died
the firemen pulled him from this cab
as her sweet voice sang
"...you cry for her the way i cry for you.."
i finger the gray material of the seatbelt

the tape finishes
flips
repeat

7 lines
indicating madness
sadness
disconnected and brand this
love on flesh
without this
there is nothing
without this
there is everything

7 deadly sins
masking their inadequecies
with stoned indifference
moody faults
and gloomy shivers
send her away
in all her need
to a discouraged island
of her own creation
to burn on her beaches

7 sides to your heptagon
your polygonous ways
angled and equal
centered in and on
itself
elusive
obtrusive
wont let anyone in
wont let anyone begin
to connect

7 colors in the rainbow
colors i can't see
blended smear of dark against sky
perhaps a cloud
branching in loveshade

7
within 188 days
i came around
carrying myself
broken
unentitled
slighted
swollen
sore
welcomed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wPXQ39ub9k&feature=related

for hp
on side streets
in old houses
with wood floors
and doors that creak
drinking wine
crying
wishing she hadn't kissed the wrong boy so much

Tuig, United States

you drove so fast i couldn't breathe
jerry and jaeger
cigarettes and flowers
in a supermarket in des moines you bought me a wool hat
said i'd need it if i wanted to make it in wichita in the winter
rubbed my head
for luck
shaved and soft
fortune and curiosity
i gave you the last of my money in southern Oregon
you cashed in the change you saved
reminded me i wasn't married anymore
i wore that wool hat til i got to Southern California
when it was too hot i put in my pocket
you took my picture
with your fathers old Nikon
sent the film home to my parents
to develop
cause they missed my face
they said
when i called collect from Nogales
we fought about Zimmerman
and Sophocles
you memorized Kierkegaard
wrote "It is so hard to believe because it is so hard to obey" in my journal
and i didnt talk to you til we hit Charleston
was snowing when we said goodbye
West Virginia and a hand shake
you pulled the hat from my back pocket
stretched it down around my ears
kissing each one
for luck
you boarded a bus to Columbus
i waved -
drove so slow you'd be ashamed
looking for my highway home

a conversation
in verses
a harmonica
tense, and drippy
sliding down over each knot in my back
a guitar
sad, and grungey
dirty strings
ripping into skin
a voice unsettled with singing
oooooh voices

flesh battered
with beating
a razor rusted
from bleeding

echoes in every corner
ghosts tattooing our initials
on the walls
closed doors

blah

damn distraction. damn you sunday

returned to you.

echoes
where was i
closed doors

dusty attic

a table
slivered and raw
plates
unused
flowers wilted dry
in green vases centered on a piano
having screamed the last of their love out through drained petal
coils of vein in fragile piles
waiting to be blown away

a G played
like torture
between the oscillations
of a fan
burning
turning its head
slow dissatisfaction
no
no

no

nothing for the price we've paid
a thousand years before
on deserts
poisoned lips
throats dry
a voice unsettled with singing
oooooh voices

maybe 843 is too early to try to write something when im still caught in a pj hold.
come on jack
get through

millions of cells
pushed
sticky
against
millions of cells
breaking open
splitting
dripping
colliding
against
millions of cells
searching
curious
intensely
making
millions of cells

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kd3Y-anRlM

baby, sweet baby,
youre my drug
come on and let me
taste your stuff

baby, sweet baby,
bring me your gift
what surprise
you gonna
hit me with?

i am waiting here for more
i am waiting by your door
i am waiting on your back steps
i am waiting in my car
i am waiting at this bar
i am waiting for your essence

baby, sweet baby,
whisper my name
shoot your love
into my veins

baby, sweet baby,
kiss me hard
make me wonder
who's in charge?

baby, sweet baby,
i want to feel your breath
even though you like to flirt with death

baby, sweet baby,
cant get enough
please come find me and help me
get fucked up



~ left alone in an old country house. a baby sleeping upstairs. midnight. wine. waiting for a call. three hours late. listen. Essence. i get nerve. i get upset. i feel lusty. and angry. and sad. and pace. a thousand steps in circles, hallways, lawns. waiting.

nearly four a/m. highway. silence. darkness. nearly dawn. stray cats. staircase. apologize. and tv glow. bent nails and bottle caps. i am unraveled. a sun rising. a moon falling. a good bye. waiting.~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6eCwF7LaiA&feature=related

and i regret picking a fight with your mother
while you were eating ice cream on the back porch
considering changing the locks on our door
when we got back home

you slide into the car beside me
the stars were so bright if you weren't so mad i would have shown you sagittarius
but instead you held my hand silently
out of respect for what we've been through

and i say give me another try
i can do better next time
i have it all inside me
i dont want to unmake you mine

the highway was like an obstacle course
my thighs held against the other
waiting wishing you'd come over
the fog falling like clouds from manchester to albany

apologize quietly
you say you hate when i do that
like i regret the apology more than what i've done
and i shake my head uncertain you know me

i adjust the seatbelt
you adjust your hair
turn the song up louder
act like you dont care

you hurry in ahead of me and the keys you throw aside
i lock the doors and brush my teeth
wonder if i should call your mother
tell her i shouldn't have said she was an educated whore

but i dont and just lay there in the dark
as you refuse to share the blanket
and when i ask if you're still awake
you say no

you wake to find me gone
did you think i'd stay
i wont be left alone
im the first to go away

--unfinished ramble start---

in a garage full of gas
in yr mothers furs
you slept
dreamt of little red riding hood
and her big bad wolf
in forest and babies
running wild
lollipopped and catepillars
tripping on daisies and red wine
twisting on tongues burnt by the words you never meant to write
to boys in lands far far away
you told me as i was a tree
strong and dark
bent over your dark hair curled
that i could never leave
never go away
and i promised i wouldn't
that i was rooted there
forever
until you cut me down
and you promised you wouldn't
in a letter to your daughters
in a postscript to your lover
you said goodbye
liquored and lovely
burning and brave
woman and child
alone
stopping
born, again, to heaven

to anne, on days that i remember she died not that long ago

in the heroic present
we celebrate the unholy past
in terms with conditions
chords and choruses
repurcussions and vibrations
soloing on a midfall nights dream
that barely audible it neglects to last
falling over lines like obstacles
situations with intentions unmentioned
until you arrive, notice, and retract all you just said
shift the weight of the topic
and your body
on a chair in a kitchen you dont know
and wait to hear the ending hoping your involved

park dont
ride
come again
inside
take the road
drive
hold hands
alive

just bring your monkey business to my bed

mama called the dr and the dr said . . .

i am woken at 3
i am pulled from my warm womb
cover of comforter
and dream
by a hand of being
i've built
begging me to fix her own bed
make it warm
soft
without wrinkle
new
and i do
and she begs me to kiss her
and i do
and return to my own side of the house
wishing her bed
were big enough
for us both

strum down
pull slack
slide over
slip back

tip up
burn down
kick off
turn on

marry wise
eat well
plant fast
drink well

say no
nod yes
cry hard
confess

in a sticky petal
turned like silk
into a shade of deep sea green
and lemonade
blistered from the heat
and the squeeze of your fingers
tight around the lines of my curves of my flesh of my bones of my be
take
me
cured with liquor and tulip
pour
it down a drain
built by our own hands

i remember where i was a year ago today
by a river
nearby
eating cereal
wishing i could remember the full paragraph of the opening of the bell jar...
that could be appreciated if not for my memory
loss
on highways
and byways
and yourways
and myways
and this way is gonna hurt if i dont just
suck it up a little