they say i sung him into my island to keep him
however
this is untrue
i was lonely
and god told me
he was out there
lonely too

a siren sweltering
beneath a sun bright moon
shadowed by solitude
and an inability to differentiate love from wanting

never wanted to keep him
just know him
for the hours he was near

damn it
he said
realizing he wasn't the first one to break my heart

submitted 4 pieces in 2 days.
excited.
happy to have a folder to pull from.
sad to have not sent anything earlier.
afraid of rejection.
more afraid of dust.

set myself apart
against a wall
fingers
i imagine digging in
as not to fall
over or in
waiting
breath held tight in my ribs
for the pulse to resign

i stole something of my therapists from her waiting room. there, i said it.

revisiting 1492
without illusion
with reflection
with bourbon
and shrug

girls in courtyards
holding their dresses to their knees
balancing acts they have written
on napkins in diners
coffee stained
and burnt with glances
never taken
but given