regurgitate

i miss myself

shoulder toe

align without missing a step in the direction in which you are there and i am here ready to smile at one another or the universe take it all without wishing for anything else

most days

he played older. i played younger. met around 27

for james horner

It is in this moment I withdraw the reflection too clear the significance too raw the me myself i thought was wasn't isn't real a shadow marked escaping into daydream night terrors and damsels in distress never begging for my rescue leaving me left behind laying on my back creating you in clouds dancing dark ripples of air and rain puddling beneath the weight of me on Earth that is all that remains to support me counting tired sheep begging me to slip into myself bleating their apologies for not giving me blackness wishing i'd give up and focus on something tangible breathing tantric holy in and out undivided the skies open and envelope me taking me with caution into its belly home

fare

thee well my honey

puddle

There is a kaleidoscope in which I’ve loved you through Reds sliding into blue Triangle sacred Turning to circle Shifting yellow waves of sunburst joy Holy focused blur Uncertain what will happen next Ever changing Morphing into all it started as and all it will ever become.

disrespected. manipulated. turned out. turned off. tipping point drowning

its me. i did this. every bit. every second. every trace found. scraped. raped. mapped. and remembered....my fault. i win right? you said that. i win. you should just 'let me win'. and i do. so gloriously. i win.like a champion. standing with a shadow so.... intimidating. thats me. always have to be right real on this it yours you me like you remembered like an unplanted seed you do away with me given up on a whim blown from finger tips dirty unforgiving having been in someone else in the mean time thats me begging cursing the day i fucked up and will again and beg forgiveness it wasn't how i thought it should be forgive me and you wont cause youre a bastard with your lies building and i know every single one and i keep them hidden for you because i love you in a tiny box in my throat that wont open or absorb and you are forgiven on lonely boulevards as i beg forgiveness for being late

corrupt

you have corrupted me limb for limb with your words your whims your ways youre him cards and memory anniversary in 2's 20 something now siphon the martyr me in and face what's to come doubtless worry aside keep it all in stride

31

after 31 years i realize i dont trust my instinct and i dont think i've ever listened to it whats done is done tomorrow we start listening and shrugging more.

lost on the A- Train

riding backward on the A train feeling it slow hush trickle in and rush away unsure what the streets mean unsure where i am wondering if he'll meet me at the last stop like he promised

5.4

he ate a bullet on May 4 walking as though to a cafe in paris jeans skinny and ripped at the ankle teeth split open gag reflex learned gone to a heaven made for babies flowers they say are better then bullets but tell that to the smoke rising into the atmosphere beautiful like a ghost protecting us from ourselves shivering into the condensation to rain down upon us marching tomorrow the lilacs dont smell like childhood the coffee doesn't keep us awake the ground is wet and red

digging

i set my baby down outside the bus stop not enough room for the both of us she stared at me through the rain and glass not surprised

im pretty sure im supposed to be here
extensions in
growl on
staring myself down in a mirror broken
corrupted from fists
(not my own)
7 years of bad luck
(my own)
like a cloak
covering a dagger

if there is a storm to come
i am not braving it

speeding ticket
reduced
obnoxious in policy and in practice
pay the plea
and drink

afraid to say it
but i hate it
going to get out
when i can

i think the letter will begin with an apology
some sort of
it's not you it's me
and i wish you'd understand

then i'll state why it's not me
but you
hypocritical as all
get out

and sign it
without love
with a cold
be well

i come out scathed
as i knew i would
but smiling
as wide as i could only imagine

arranged
like a database
0
1
00001011100100010
exact in the dysfunction
someone knows how to read it
not me
confused at all times
computing
nothing

driving into sunlight
outof darkness
smiling like a child
in awe of the landscape wild

2012
another year.